Maa, are we minority too?

The whole wide background- Also politically correct. Nahh! look at the next one, look at the next one!
The masala skimmed from the gravy
And a little more

TO start with, Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you Sonia ji, happy birthday to you. May god bless you, er no, may allah bless you, may allah bless you, UP birthday Sonia jee, UP birthday to you.(UP=Happy. Welcome to Uttam Pradesh).
*60 claps resound*
[ah, Mulayam ji, Amar ji, namaste! how are things? Good I hope *smirk*. And we need to talk a bit about the UP elections issue, but that-later.]

Now let us focus on Dr Manmohan SIngh, honorary Prime minis-
Oh No! Psst, Mamohan ji, the strings are showing. No no, not the loose ends in reasoning(No dont worry, the ones that can see it have long stopped pointing the flaws out, and the ones that should see the loose ends, are busy covering the Ash-Abhishek kundli matching ceremony) But sir, I was talking about the puppet strings.
Now, thats better. The honourable Prime minister is a good endorser of products with strings attached, besides being numero uno in that category himself.(shoo, you political conspirators, I was talking about the PM's special personal interest in the Indian textile industry and exotic zardosi art.)

Oh yes, coming back to the subject, The 52nd meeting of the national development council, in which our honourable PM spoke about-amongst other things-,the 11th five year plan(drat! I blinked and missed the last eleven??)and all the sure shot methods to make sure that "India will be firmly placed in the front ranks of fast growing developing countries".

And like in any good democracy, shreeman PM has decided that THE factor that will put India at the forefront of all developing countries indeed is 'equality'. Now what do we say about his ingenuity.

"We will have to devise innovative plans to ensure that minorities, particularly the Muslim minority, are empowered to share equitably in the fruits of development.They must have the first claim on resources"

(outlook)

These statements have instigated an uproar of sorts among certain sections of educated India( with this, any mistaken reference to the sections of the Indian populance that jump directly to Page3 of publications that refer to themselves as "news"papers while discussing the colour combinations of certain Tarun Tahiliani creations, are to be ignored and taken to be an acute lapse-in-aesthetics-of-expression on the part of the writer.)
Clearly, a lot of things are not quite right in our homeland. The state of affairs is indeed wretched. What? you might want to ask.Here's what:

I have nothing to say against Manmohan Singh. But it is sad that, someone of his stature has to resort to cheap tricks like pataofying the votebank stashed away in obscure corners of UP to conquer the upcoming elections(They could have gotten Shibu Soren to do it,instead. He has enough time on his hands anyway. What do you mean he was in jail?Like it matters anyway ). Someone tell the Congress think tank that- in all probability-, most of the elements of their targeted "current accounts":

i)Do not have access to mass media in the first place to listen to Manmohan ji's address, about how the hopelessly deprived, emaciated Muslim(minority) shall be raised on a pedestal and fed privileges and resources till they beg the govt to stop.

ii)Cannot read the PM's address in newspapers(if any) because they can't read.

iii)Couldn't watch the details of the address on the news because UP gaons have power cuts/load shedding for 16 hours a day.

iv)Who says that the muslim minorities, particularly of the Uttam Pradesh area are not in touch with the political scenario?No no, thats not what I'm suggesting. But then, half of them are probably having the time of their lives watching Dhoom 2 in some tent somewhere. (while their urban counterparts do the same on plush chairs in glossy multiplexes).
End result, manmohanji loses both the brattish,urban majority folk and the deprived rural minority junta to who? Hrithik Roshan?
Now what do the spoilt majorities expect? Manmohanji to come riding on a Hayabusa?
v)If the last 4 didn't make sense. Lets face it. Our muslim minority brothers and sisters, that the Congress is targetting, simply DON'T GIVE A DAMN.(and again, they are keeping pace with their super-advanced-urban,majority counterparts)

Dont be silly you say? The PM obviously was looking one way and meaning to look elsewhere.
So was he throwing hints to the coalition members that minority appeasement was still a valid card to play? or no wait! Was this another solution to the Kashmir issue?(We're rocking with 'em mossies baby! why dont you pakis join the party too?) Or was this a new secret SETI NASA-PMO joint exercise set up, to contact extra terrestrials?

[That was the alleged list of rejects that the congress Public Relations office contemplated on using to "justify" and relate to the media, the "full meaning" of the PM's address. Remember-You heard it here first!]

If minority appeasement is a fair game to play just before elections, why cry foul at the BJP's attempts to muska-fy the Hindu majority with their Hindutva anthems when its their time on the stove? At least it makes sense, and goes with the laws of arithmetic(political or otherwise). At least Hindutva emerged the most successful campaign of the BJP. It beat the hell out of a more suave and flamboyant "India Shining" campaign and still outshined the "Bijli, Sadak, Paani" charade.

Can the same be said about the Congress's grand 'root-for-the-minority-cause' plan? All they're doing is ganging up with the rest of the folks, that were deserted by the hindutva party. Finding an enemy's enemy is a friend-for-life gained. But still, when elections come calling, the INC or more like the UPA can be seen scrambling around for more strategies to throw around.
[suggestions are all welcome. And I'm hoping that my suggestions will be considered too and that I will be considered as a candidate-hopeful to some by-election in the not so near future]
AT this rate, the congress campaign-managers might consider taking a leaf out of the booklet of Soren's lawyers and project him as the next logical Gandhi(or bapu of Jharkand if you please).(With sonia busy with Delhi affairs and Rahul now completely engaged in Bareilly, the congress surely can use another person with the magical "gandhi" suffix for rallies in dusty UP towns). The bapu almost did a somersault in his grave. And Soren, also being touted as the Nelson Mandela of Jharkhand could go down well with our urban neo activists who would turn their noses away in disgust at Dharaavi in Mumbai but that toil for the cause of slums in Indonesia.(You didn't get the point right? Neither do I ever.)

But we cannot blame the Congress government entirely. I mean, this can't/won't go on forever will it? It has already granted the muslim populace the full right to blossom into a full fledged majority in a few decades,on full throttle. (play the numbers game babyy!)
*Terribly tempted to repeat Narendra Modi's nasty take on hum do humare do* (But no! I will not openly support such shamefully right-wing-ed comments)

Till then, mothers belonging to the so called majority-category-religions will wonder how they will convince their children that they are not children of lesser gods.

And cabinet ministers will order students of premier institutes, that protest against the Indian government's ways of pushing aside their marks sheets and moving over to the details of their caste-certificates, to be hosed down and then move over to press conferences later in the day to belittle Indian students who fly to foreign shores to pursue their academic dreams.
(The press of course was the smartest of the lot! The minister's comments find the 11th page and the pictures of AIIMS doctors being lathi charged is seated on the 13th page while half page pieces on Brangelina's whereabouts find themselves on Page1.)

Arre, pass me some more birthday cake yaar!


(December 9th, 2006)